By: Butch Swank | butch@goodladandswank.com | President, SWFL Business Alliance & Owner, Goodlad & Swank Insurance, LLC
I want to talk about the idea of agency and its opposite, victimhood. Merriam-Webster defines agency as the capacity, condition, or state of acting or exerting power. Ok, so you’re wondering, where the hell is Butch going with this? Just hang in there with me for a bit. These days, we watch the news, read the articles, scroll our phones, and hear the radio all telling us how things do nothing but go from bad to worse. We see strife and increasing chaos and rarely, if ever, anything positive. Most of us have heard the news saying, “If it bleeds, it leads.” This was initially a cynical but accurate observation that bad news generates more interest than good news. If you are in the business of selling news, given a long enough timeline, it only stands to reason that you’ll eventually almost exclusively focus on the negative because it’s the most financially positive for your bottom line. Oh, the irony! The obvious downside is that enough sustained bad news leaves everyone feeling like dark clouds are everywhere despite our eyes seeing the blue sky.
I chose the word agency because I believe a lot of us have abandoned it. Many people, instead, have adopted a mentality of victimhood. What is that you ask? In short, it’s a mindset where, regardless of the situation, people choose to feel powerless. To clarify, I believe it’s critical that we never lose sight of the fact that there are true victims in this world who have seen and suffered beyond comprehension. People adopting this popular victimhood mentality while surfing on their iPhones in air-conditioned rooms with a roof over their heads and plenty to eat and whose only real tragedy is, in the grand scheme of things, something trivial, do such a disservice to the survivors of true horror and abuse. I also believe that mentality is precisely why we now see something as insane as long-term relationships ending over politics. Over politics! “How could YOU vote for that person? Well, I have no choice. I’ve been told this voting behavior is disqualifying. I now must remorselessly cut you out of my life.” The reality is that in the US, we’ve been having heated conversations about differing viewpoints for generations, and maybe 5% ended badly. Still, even in that 5% scenario, you wouldn’t have ever considered cutting your own Momma out of your life. Sure, feelings can get hurt if things get too charged, but it’s damn sure never been grounds for terminating a relationship with a friend or family member. The intentional destruction of precious relationships is shortsighted and cruel. In the moment, you are incapable of seeing the cruelty you are inflicting on those you love. At some point, you will have two options, and I’m not sure which fate is worse. First, you finally wake up and appreciate how much precious time you’ve lost and the pain you’ve caused over loyalty to a politician instead of your loved ones, and you begin to try and make amends. Second, you go to your grave increasingly alone while steadfastly believing you were right and everyone else was wrong. Either way, here’s the spoiler alert: That politician you idolize does not and will not ever give a rat’s patootie about you.
Curiously, a line from Bob Marley comes to my mind: “Every man thinks his burden is the heaviest.” That line always makes me pause and think. I guess what it does is that it forces me to stop being self-centered. I don’t mean self-centered like the selfish jerk variety—I mean in the way that we often tend only to see things from our own narrow perspective. For example, say I’ve just sprained my ankle, which is so unfair, plus it really hurts. Then, let’s now consider someone else who’s just lost their leg. Whose burden is heavier in that situation? Bob Marley’s line helps us consider the world from another’s eyes, which then helps foster gratitude and genuine empathy for others. The victimhood mentality denies you this ability because, in that world, everything is done TO you because you gave up all ability to have a say in your life. Your mindset has rendered you powerless, so the helping or the consideration of others is impossible. In your eyes, your burden will always be the heaviest, no matter the situation.
I cannot think of a worse mental prison to put yourself in. I myself chose to believe I am the master of my destiny. I read a line a while ago that stayed with me: “No one is coming to help you, and no one cares about your problems.” I initially thought that sounded like the most negative mindset ever. But, if you ponder it for a while, I argue it’s actually one of the most empowering mindsets. To me, what it says is that you alone control your destiny. You are one hundred percent responsible for your actions. If you don’t like the way things are going, then get up and go fix it! On the flip side, also consider that if things are going great, that’s your “fault,” too. How can that not be considered freeing? Of course, random garbage happens in life, and we have zero control over that. But again, and not surprisingly, I have another quote that applies to this fact from the amazing Martha Washington: “The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.” There will always be bumps in the road to contend with, but with the right mindset, they should never stop you from believing that, despite everything, you 100% have the power to make your life and the lives around you better.
In the 1980s, we Americans were unified against the Russians. We had a common enemy and faced a very real threat. Today, at least for the moment, we find ourselves as the sole global superpower, but we’re also fiercely divided against one another. How did this happen? I believe a large part of it is because we collectively flushed that unified mindset down the toilet and justified it because the unifying threat had disappeared. In the 80s, we understood that despite our differences, we Americans were all on the same team and had to have each other’s back. These days, we again have very real enemies that revel in our division and growing hatred. This hate blinds us, and real forces align against us while we’re distracted. It is critical that we open our eyes and begin to see each other as countrymen again and not as enemies. Many times, solving a challenging problem occurs simply by figuring out just where to start. I believe our work must begin with resurrecting that great American mindset. Previous generations fought so hard and sacrificed so much for us. They overcame so many obstacles, and their unending work resulted in the greatest country ever to grace God’s green Earth. We need to stop acting like spoiled children and again appreciate what our ancestors fought to give us. I want us to toughen up and take our agency back. I want us to be more compassionate and understanding towards each other—please remember that differences of opinion can actually be a good thing. Can you imagine how boring things would be if everyone had the exact same opinion? Good Lord, that would be awful! I want us to appreciate and celebrate all of our differing views because, collectively, they form the basis of America’s strength. The bottom line is that no one else is coming to save America, and no other country can solve our problems. Fellow Americans, it’s up to us, and us alone, to make things better. So, you know who is going to save America? That’s right, it’s us! I say, let’s get our damned sleeves rolled up, and together we get down to work. Together.
