By Butch Swank | butch@goodladandswank.com
My wife always gives me the business about how, when I speak with my old buddies, we mercilessly make fun of each other. It’s 100% true, we tear into each other something fierce. One of my all-time favorites that I, sadly, was on the receiving end of was from my Korean friend David, who lived in New York. We got to know each other because he was one of my first customers at my first “real” job. He liked the Giants. I liked the Buccaneers. I was a redneck. He was a Yankee. Two different worlds, but we got along famously. Each fall, we’d make bets on NFL football games. If I lost, I’d send him something like a Guy Harvey fishing shirt (which he found too tacky to wear). If I won, he’d send me a bottle of wine. One time, he sent me what he called a Blockbuster Cabernet, which to me really only meant that it was expensive. He would go on and on about how remarkable that one Cabernet was. The week after it had arrived, he asked what food I paired this precious cabernet with for dinner. I was happy to reply, “Grilled hotdogs and baked beans.” Man, he did not appreciate hearing that! Back to the NFL, we made a bet on the Super Bowl that year, and I was sure my team was winning and was not shy about sharing it. Well, the dreaded Monday after arrived, and I had been 100% wrong about which team was going to Disney World. So, I was, um, we’ll call it, crabby. My buddy, of course, called that very morning all bright and cheerful. He opened the conversation with: “You’re so good at picking football games that I will now only refer to you as Nostradumbsass.” (I added the “s” after “b” because this is a family show) Anyhow, after hearing this opener, I paused a second and then uncontrollably laughed. It was pure genius! Right when I was the most down, at the perfect moment, he swooped in and dropped one of the world’s most perfect zingers on me. I could not help but laugh and appreciate his flawlessly performed jab. This was around 2000, so there was no internet to provide you with a good joke. That humdinger was totally from his brain, which was another reason it was so damn funny. I guess in modern times, if dudes no longer physically battle each other, we’ve had to find a different method and switch to mental battling. We do tear into each other, and we like it. It’s how we vent and make each other laugh, and, yes, chicks just don’t get it.
Guess what? That is perfectly fine. Men and women are not the same, despite what some would like you to believe. In this modern day, I know it sounds like heresy to say that, but how about some objective truth to back up my point? Teens raised without fathers represent 71% of high school dropouts. 90% percent of homeless and runaway children come from fatherless homes. 85% percent of all children who show behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. The facts clearly show that having a father in the home tremendously improves a child’s odds of success later in life. Man, I started with that joke and now have totally bummed you out. Fear not! I have a cool quote by Charles Kettering to provide some optimism: “A problem well stated is a problem half solved.”
The problem is that we, as a society, have basically gone to war with masculinity, and its effects are seen everywhere. Clearly, it impacts kids but it’s also affecting our future. Young men have heard for their whole life that they’re toxic. It’s no wonder more and more are essentially dropping out of society since their society doesn’t want them. Would you remain part of any group for long if you were told you’re toxic by that group? No, you wouldn’t. Here’s a thought experiment if you’re still on the fence: Think of a TV show with a fit, healthy, strong, and well-adjusted dad. I sure can’t come up with one. The dad from Modern Family is as close as I can get, but most often, he’s portrayed as a dithering idiot—which is not exactly a good fatherly role model. Current society seems to favor this new phrase: Boys can’t be boys.
How exactly is all this affecting America’s future? In April of this year, the CDC stated that the general fertility rate in the US decreased, again, by 3%, which means America is now at a historic low for making babies. Sad, truly sad. I think most have heard this maxim: “Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times.” Well, we are living in this exact situation. Something’s got to give to turn this around, and I have a simple solution in mind. Let’s get back to celebrating both masculinity and femininity and stop pretending we’re the same. We’re not. It’s that simple. We should also stop glorifying the divisive and truly toxic members of our society. Instead, we should elevate the best examples of America’s men and women so our kids can have true role models to emulate. It really is that simple, and you can help. For example, if we take time to commend a young man for doing something challenging, even if it ended in failure, the effort should be commended, nonetheless. If you see a boy or young man venturing out and trying to achieve anything of difficulty, praise them. Trust me, that confidence-boosting shot in the arm will go a long way. Let’s face it: guys don’t get many compliments, nor have we historically needed them. But, these days, if we can shower enough positive encouragement on our young men, we can get this ship righted.
